Looking around at my middle-school classmates, being 18 is far away, I thought. At the time I really didnāt like myself, whether it was the way my glasses looked, my hair, nose bridge, or whatever. The internet fed this insecurity of course, but it wasnāt social media influencers that I looked at, no, it was a much darker rabbit hole on the clear web, that fortunately Iāve moved on and forgotten about at this point (2026 perspective). Seeing the different girls and boys having appeared grown-up at only the age of 12, yet mentally acted younger, I thought, when I turn 18 Iāll be exactly the person I want to be.
As I finished the last day of middle school, I stood up in the pick-up area that was on a sidewalk beside the school. I saw this guy named Gabe sitting on the ground with the most interesting pair of sweatpants; waffle-texture adidas or nikes, that made his legs appear quite long as he sat on the ground staring intently at his phone. Having short black hair left side-parted, pale skin, and a black tee, he was soft-spoken yet was still a part of the popular kids club. In fact, I was sorta-kinda-not friends with his girlfriend who was the complete opposite yet alike to him: slightly chubby figure, lighter-colored sports attire, and the most interesting shape of lips whom Iāve only ever seen since then on one other person. Something about Gabe was mysterious and made me curious, so as I left the sidewalk, I had that image in mind as a case study for future thought.
6 AM Watching the sunrise begin, I realized that I spent the entire night reading the True Beauty webtoon by Yaongyi and I couldnāt go to sleep now since my dad would know. However, I had no regrets. I saw Suho Leeās transition from being a shy guy with short hair, bangs hiding his face, to becoming a confident guy with absolutely stunning hair that perfectly framed his face; long bangs full of volume pushed to the side with a soft transition from longer at the top, to shorter hair cropping the back of his neck at the bottom. I donāt know why Iām describing it, perhaps so I can 3d model it at some point. Iāve taken the same inspiration in my own hair, though Iāll admit that my bangs are shorter. Somehow I wasnāt sleepy that day, in the morning I just stared at my dad as we stood in the basement noting some insulation falling from the ceiling. I was surprised how he didnāt notice how out of it I was. As I continued through the day, it became easier to be alert. In total I stayed up for 36 hours at 15 years old and it was the best day of my life still! Though hopefully it wonāt stay that way š
3 AM Writing away with glazed eyes, I came to the part about some teachers laughing at my main characterās joke on the one teacherās bad hair day. The way I wrote it was not like anything I had experienced in real life. Ending the passage made me wonder what I was doing by writing and not living it, though there was no opportunity to live that moment as my main character did. At 16 years old doing high school at home, all I did was play Minecraft behind my dadās back, having had no one to play with since middle schoolā¦ though I did become a champion at cheating in Cake Wars :3
It appears the only thing that could get me focused on something other than the book I wrote, read, and kept re-reading, was getting back into Minecraft. I was working in the garage watching YT and came across Grian. His videos were cool, but then I stumbled upon Dream and a whole new focus started: recreating the tricks he did. There were some 28-30 yr olds in my congregation (call it church if youād like), and the IT guy started a Java (dang Digital Strangers by K-391 just started playing, why havenāt I heard this before?! I love it!) MC server and invited me on. I was 16 years old, and I guess he thought I was older :D Excited by the opportunity to show off my new skillz, I built a nether portal dream-style in the first 5 minutes of playing- just as one of the hotshots-whoād-been-to-the-End-before and was playing 6 hrs a day, was already ahead in getting iron armor. I could tell they were quite shocked I had built a nether portal.
Soon was both far and near. I had experimented with small side hustles like desktop wallpaper selling, notion template design, POD, and even earning money with surveys. I had learned much and had leaped in maturity from when I was 16, at least that I felt and what others told me.
18
Everything before this point in my life dropped: Minecraft, writing fiction, webtoons; I was anxious to set a clean record and never play video games again, nor watch them, so that I could be the adult I wanted to since I was 12.
No more was I the person that I hated; I had an identity, hair that had no split ends, my rosacea face clearing up, and my mind was smarter, too. When I was reading the True Beauty webtoon, I had a daydream about owning my own car and having a gradient purple-teal tumbler, and so when I saw that same tumbler at OfficeMax, it was the cherry on top of my cake- especially when I saved up for a $20k car which I paid half off of, my dad the other half.
Now that it was finally the year, and I was the person I wanted to be, no more was I wish this or that, now it was the time to make the things I wanted become a reality.
Present day
Now that Iāve learned everything about being an adult, after having ambitiously focused on the things I thought would earn me money, Iāve slowed down and learned a new perspective, as I wrote in Adapt or Drown - Remembering My Goal.
Funny thing is, at 18 years old, everyone my age seemed less mature. I learned that rules are there for my benefit, whereas my generation seemingly united agreed that the opposite was true. Even people 10 years older than me seemed less mature/wise than me, considering they thought I was their age when I was just 16.
Overall, age is only a number and doesnāt mean a 50 yr old acts 50 or a 10 yr old acts 10, the opposite may be true. But thanks to the mindset I developed at 12 to change myself, I became exactly who I wanted to be at 18, and the years didnāt feel as long as I thought theyād be.